Souldancer Revision Log

It's taken twelve years of intermittent work to write a version of Souldancer conforming to the norms of contemporary novel format. I'd like to share a few insights on the process.

I composed the first draft of the novel ten years ago after a long, collaborative world building project. I figure it took me about two and a half years to finish that draft. Being my first attempt at a novel manuscript, the first version teemed with amateur mistakes. Bloated by redundant exposition on every page, reams of purple prose, and only the faintest hint of a story structure, the original MS weighed in at 300,000 words (1135 typed pages).

I still can't believe I found stalwart souls willing to beta read that monster, but I did; and I'm forever grateful for their efforts.

I attempted sporadic revisions from 2005 until 2010, when Nick inspired me to get serious about writing. Looking at what I'd written confronted me with another rookie mistake: I'd started backwards. Or rather in the middle. My extensive world building had yielded four books' worth of notes, and Souldancer actually comes second in the planned continuity.

I resolved to start over and began work on Nethereal, the first volume in the cycle. Two years and three revisions later, I'd refined the story into a satisfactory form. Building on this foundation I revisited the Souldancer project. The futility of a line edit soon became clear, and I decided to redraft the MS.

Starting from scratch gave me the chance to correct structural flaws and clean up the prose. My chief working principles were (in no particular order):

• Narrative flow and economy.
• Logical story structure informed by theme.
• Believable, organic character development and motivation.
• Maintaining conflict, tension, and tight pacing.

Again drafting one chapter at a time, I gradually became aware that the book's page count was shrinking. Soon I noticed that this phenomenon had become truly dramatic (I was writing action on page 50 that occurred on page 100 in the original draft). Not until I compiled each chapter into the new MS did I learn just how effective my streamlining had been.

• Original Souldancer MS (second revision): 300,000 words, 1135 pages.
• Current Souldancer MS: 88,000 words, 370 pages.

What amazes me is that, besides a few tangents and extraneous subplots, I cut very few scenes from the original version. The current MS covers the same principal action in almost exactly one-third of the space. Even better, I don't think the narrative feels rushed; just faster paced.

I'll let you know what the beta readers say.

Share My Joy

I just finished the latest full Souldancer draft.

This manuscript, which I consider the beta for version 2.2, is at present the most refined form of a story I've been working hard to tell for twelve years. It is my greatest achievement to date, not because it's objectively the best writing I've produced (I leave that judgment to my readers), but because enshrining this tale in written form has always been a labor of love.

My undying thanks to all the friends who've helped me realize and share this story. I eagerly await the beta readers' verdict. If you'd like to join them, I'm considering applicants via email and the comment box.

SD v. 2.2b

The latest draft of Souldancer is nearing fruition. I'm averaging a chapter a day, so at that rate I expect to finish in two or three weeks.

Since I'll have just finished redrafting, the book will need inspection by objective eyes. If you would like to be a beta reader for this project, please volunteer in the comments section below or by sending me an email expressing your interest. I know there are already a couple of people I can count on, but in this case more is more.

Thanks to everyone who's supported me in this enterprise.

Thrice-Told Tale

Since I've been focused on revising my work, I thought it would be helpful to compare multiple drafts of the same project to chart my progress. The results proved both edifying and embarrassing.

Here's an example: the same paragraph from Nethereal chapter 3 as it appears in the first, second, and third drafts.

First Draft:
The Enforcers conducted their search in shifts; none of them being able to tolerate prolonged exposure to the conditions inside—this despite the fact that the door had been off its hinges since early that afternoon. According to the householders, the temperature had not risen at all. Fortunately, they weren't made to investigate for long. Redrin Culvert's personal effects, including his identification, two changes of clothing, and a type of Worked pistol called a zephyr, were quickly discovered and noted. Of the man himself, there was no sign. A guilt-driven flight out of town was submitted in explanation, although the room was windowless, and the lock had been jammed from the inside—melted, in fact, by some unknown corrosive agent.

Second Draft:
Despite the fact that the door had been off its hinges since the early afternoon, conditions within had still been barely tolerable. Fortunately, the search hadn’t taken long. The Enforcers had quickly turned up Redrin Culvert's personal effects, including his identification and a zephyr model Worked pistol. Of the owner’s whereabouts, they’d found no sign. A guilt-driven flight out of town was submitted in explanation, though the room was windowless, and the lock had been jammed from the inside: melted, in fact, by some unknown corrosive agent.

Third Draft:
The vicious freeze had haunted the room for hours. Luckily, the search hadn’t taken long. The Enforcers had quickly turned up Redrin Culvert's personal effects, including his identification and a Worked zephyr pistol. There was no sign of the owner’s whereabouts. A midnight flight from justice was suspected, but the room was windowless; and the lock hadn’t simply been jammed from the inside. It had been melted by some unknown corrosive agent.

Don't know about you, but the third version is the only one I can read without flinching.

Souldancer Rewrite Update

For those who are just joining us, I recently finished the final manuscript for my sci fi-fantasy novel Nethereal. That book's completion followed a rather crooked path since I'd already written its sequel, entitled Souldancer, almost ten years before.

Now that the first (in narrative terms) book is done I'm taking another shot at the second. It needs a lot of work to say the least. Weighing in at a staggering 300,000 words, Souldancer begged for pruning. There are also many plot, character, and world-building elements in need of continuity patches.

I quickly decided that a cover-to-cover line edit was not in order. Instead I've started rewriting the story from scratch. I only refer back to the prior text for general plot structure and place/character/object names. Along the way I've been able to combine several scenes and delete some subplots and characters altogether.

Right now I'm on chapter twenty-one of the new draft. To give you a sense of perspective, the action occurring in the new chapter twenty-one takes place at about the same time as the events of last version's chapter twenty-five. The chapters are now shorter, so I'm currently at a point near page 200 where the last draft had taken 400 pages to present the same information.

That's the gist of it. I'll be around to field whatever questions any of you have about the new draft.

The Composition of a Composition

When I first got serious about writing, I knew that producing a novel-length manuscript would take a lot of discipline. My initial approach was to transcribe the story exactly as it existed in my head. I didn't stop to ask if this was the best approach.

Since then I've learned that there's more to drafting a manuscript than single-minded pounding at a keyboard. Trial and error taught me what I could have learned from more experienced writers if I'd thought to ask. The following list of composition methods should save you some time.

Write in Drafts. Like I mentioned before, composing and editing are two different processes. My rookie mistake was trying to perform both operations at the same time. The result really slowed my progress.

Instead of editing as you go, write one whole draft at a time. Then go back and revise. The idea is to find a writing groove that will maximize your creativity. Don't get bogged down worrying about mistakes. You can fix them later.

Add chapter breaks later. A corollary to writing in drafts is to avoid breaking the first draft up into chapters while writing. If you wait till the revision phase, you'll already know where the natural pauses and cliffhangers are. Insert chapter breaks accordingly.

Or compose in chapters. I know some writers who draft in chapters and save each one as a separate file. This is the method I use because it makes revisions easier (I don't have to search through a whole 500 page manuscript to find a typo that one of my readers pointed out). Instead I can just open the ten page document containing that chapter. Then I copy and paste each chapter into the final manuscript doc.

I'm always looking for ways to improve my writing. What are some of your favorite writing tips?

Souldancer Excerpt

I've been working hard on the latest revision of Souldancer. It's actually turned into a partial rewrite. Here's a look at my progress thus far.

The sound of boots on the hardwood floor woke Xander from his dreamless sleep. For one panicked moment he forgot where he was, but then he saw the city lights gleaming through the window.

            I am in Salorien on Keth, he realized, in the home of Astlin Tremore. The latter thought gave him comfort, but his earlier fear returned.

            Is someone else here?

            Xander’s gaze darted about. A row of threadbare stuffed animals languished on a shelf in the square of light filtering through the window. The rest of the room was dark as the Void.

            The floorboards protested as something shifted its weight in the dark.

            “Hello?” Xander whispered.

            Several moments passed in silence.

            “I lied to you,” someone said at last. Little more than a whisper, the voice’s clipped accent was familiar but oddly strained.

            “Who is there?”

Creaking leather and metallic ringing accompanied the unseen speaker’s heavy footfalls. Xander tensed, but his visitor stopped short of the lighted square. Even so, the young man thought he discerned a slight figure standing near the foot of the bed.

            “It’s a lie,” the unknown visitor rasped, “but that doesn’t mean it’s not real.”

            “Who are you?”

            Twin lights pierced the darkness. Xander shielded his eyes from the sudden glow. Squinting through his fingers, he saw two blazing circles like blue stars; their centers hidden by black moons.

Acting on impulse, Xander willed the burning eyes—if they were eyes—away. He reached for his gift, but the power never came.

The lights moved back and forth like blue fireflies as their owner paced the room.

“I tried to save the others,” the unseen woman said, “but I couldn’t help it. You don’t know what it’s like. A wound in your soul bleeding fire.”
            The pacing figure paused beside the shelf. “They were dying anyway,” she said. “I thought they could close the wound, but it burned them up.”

“What do you—?” Xander began, but a slender arm sheathed in black lashed out, batting the shelf and its worn plush occupants to the floor.

“I didn’t want that for you,” the harsh voice lamented. “You’re not like them.”

“What do you mean?”

The dark figure moved into the light. Xander was dismayed, but not surprised, to see Astlin. Pained longing marred her once gentle face. She’d shed her modest clothes for a suit of the randomly stitched hides of alien creeping things.

The sight irresistibly drew Xander’s eyes, but it seemed a mere projection of something far more terrible. He somehow looked through Astlin to a bright line glowing with orange-red heat. The burning cord led to a familiar, ominous sight: a colossal pyramid darker than any shadow.

A blinding light shone in the distance, mostly obscured by the pyramid. Countless silver filaments streamed from the light to cut through the monolith; but Xander saw two of them intersecting at its heart. One cord—the one he’d seen rising from Astlin—plunged into a fiery rift before joining itself to her. The other kept its pure silver sheen all the way from its origin in the light to its endpoint in Xander’s soul.

“You have what I lost,” Astlin said.

Nethereal Final

I'm pleased to say that the final version of my Nethereal manuscript is done. The final draft is far leaner and smoother than the others, weighing in at 541 pages (compare that figure to 720 for the original). That's without deleting any chapters or scenes; just making smarter word choices and using more concise phrasing. The shift to third person variable perspective also helped to weed out excessive description and exposition while adding dialogue.

I don't plan on making any further changes unless a professional editor orders them, so the next step is to start querying agents. I'll keep everyone apprised of how my search goes.

Submission Update

I just heard back from Pyr, who have opted to pass on the Nethereal manuscript. I was hoping for a little feedback, but as mentioned on their submissions page they didn't have time to give details.

Still, the turnaround time of only six weeks for a slush pile submission is pretty impressive. I'd prepared myself to wait for months. Now I can safely shop the book around without fear of simultaneous submissions.

The latest revision has reached chapter 28. It shouldn't be long before the manuscript is ready to be sent out again. I'll keep you posted as always. 

Checking In

I've been really busy at work lately, and this increased activity has been largely responsible for my recent drop in posting volume. Exacerbating matters is the fact that very little of note is currently happening in regard to my writing. I'm still slogging away at the Nethereal revisions. However, my change in circumstances has cut my productivity in half.

Still no word on either short story. I've been twelve weeks waiting on Weird Tales. I don't have a ticket number since I made a postal sub, and I can't find an e-mail address where they can be queried despite scouring their web site. I suppose I'll just have to treat the matter as an exercise in patience.

As always, I shall hasten to post any new developments.

No Rest for the Wicked

As everyone who's been following this blog knows, I've been slogging through the process of revising Souldancer. In the meantime, additional feedback has been coming in on Nethereal. These comments have been very helpful, and have pointed out to me that there are still plenty of ways for the manuscript to be improved.

Because I want to submit the strongest manuscript possible, I've decided to put SD on the back burner and concentrate on re-editing the first book. The aim is to further streamline the descriptions, trim superfluous expository text, and make the whole narrative more accessible.

I'm setting a daily goal of ten pages. At that rate, the revisions should only take about ten weeks.

Souldancer Progress Report 3

Total page count: down to 1295.

Currently editing: page 251 (sort of).

I said before how the difficulty of this project has exceeded my expectations. That comment was made back when I was mostly replacing troublesome phrases, trimming down excessively wordy sentences, condensing rambling dialogue, and occasionally deleting a few paragraphs.

Now I've stumbled upon a situation that is wholly unprecedented in my short literary career. What I'm currently up against is a section of the book spanning several chapters in which roughly half of the extant material doesn't work; the other half does, but it's in the wrong order.

To borrow a parable, I'm now undertaking a grueling labor requiring me to meticulously pull weeds scattered amid a wheat field while also transplanting the healthy crops to more advantageous locations. There's also the necessity of sowing new plants to fill in the vacated spaces while reducing the overall acreage. For the first time, I'm starting to wonder whether farmers have it easier than writers. Sure, the former involves more manual labor, but I don't have the luxury of waiting till harvest day to separate the good from the bad. I doubt any editor would appreciate proofreading the resulting incomprehensible manuscript.

I am now more glad than ever that I've probably got several years before this thing is due. Not only will the project take that much time at my current rate of progress, I'll have to grow and mature as a writer in order to meet the challenges this work presents.

At least I won't come up short on blog material.

Souldancer 3.0

Having gotten the manuscript for Nethereal in satisfactory form, I've started work on a new revision of the old version of Souldancer. Reading the second (chronological) book now, I can't believe I ever deemed it ready for print.

I don't know whether it was grad school, the number of books I've read between "finishing" SD v2 and now, or both; but my awareness of flaws in the execution of version two is now glaring. My main issue was having too many descriptive clauses modifying any one object. The book as it stands reads as if I couldn't decide between descriptors and chose to include them all. The result was very cluttered, as you can imagine.

Presently, I'm going back through Souldancer, intent on giving it a total overhaul. The text will be fully streamlined and revised while being brought up to spec with Nethereal. That means shoring up continuity between the two books, harmonizing established nomenclature, and almost certainly cutting a few scenes that no longer fit the narrative.

To those who might object to an abridged version, consider that rendering both manuscripts in double-spaced, twelve point text, Nethereal tops out at a respectable 780 pages, while Souldancer currently bursts its binding at 1340. Simply reining in my exposition should help make the page count more manageable.

In case you're wondering why I'm going to the trouble of revisiting a five year-old manuscript that took me two years to write in the first place, not including original revisions, the answer is that there's nothing else I'd rather do. The reason I started with the second book in the cycle is because I feel very strongly that Souldancer is the heart of the saga; the philosophical and emotional axis around which the whole thing turns.

Don't get me wrong. Nethereal isn't a throwaway piece at all. I wouldn't market a story I didn't believe in. I purposefully wrote the tale to be fully self-contained if needed. However, the fact remains that the first novel's primary job is to rack up the pins so the larger game can commence.

Having gotten the introductory story on paper (rather, on file via word processor) has greatly aided my improvement of Souldancer, providing the firm foundation lacking during my first go-round. Using Nethereal as a reference point, I have no doubt that SD v3 will proceed more naturally; the two texts forming a complementary and fully coherent narrative.

I'm not turning the second book into a clone of the first, either. The scope of Souldancer is still far broader, numerous new characters are introduced, and the stakes are raised compared to the conflict that drove the cast of Nethereal. How can a threat of already universal scale be surpassed?

Rest assured, I've got it covered.