Souldancer Revision Log

It's taken twelve years of intermittent work to write a version of Souldancer conforming to the norms of contemporary novel format. I'd like to share a few insights on the process.

I composed the first draft of the novel ten years ago after a long, collaborative world building project. I figure it took me about two and a half years to finish that draft. Being my first attempt at a novel manuscript, the first version teemed with amateur mistakes. Bloated by redundant exposition on every page, reams of purple prose, and only the faintest hint of a story structure, the original MS weighed in at 300,000 words (1135 typed pages).

I still can't believe I found stalwart souls willing to beta read that monster, but I did; and I'm forever grateful for their efforts.

I attempted sporadic revisions from 2005 until 2010, when Nick inspired me to get serious about writing. Looking at what I'd written confronted me with another rookie mistake: I'd started backwards. Or rather in the middle. My extensive world building had yielded four books' worth of notes, and Souldancer actually comes second in the planned continuity.

I resolved to start over and began work on Nethereal, the first volume in the cycle. Two years and three revisions later, I'd refined the story into a satisfactory form. Building on this foundation I revisited the Souldancer project. The futility of a line edit soon became clear, and I decided to redraft the MS.

Starting from scratch gave me the chance to correct structural flaws and clean up the prose. My chief working principles were (in no particular order):

• Narrative flow and economy.
• Logical story structure informed by theme.
• Believable, organic character development and motivation.
• Maintaining conflict, tension, and tight pacing.

Again drafting one chapter at a time, I gradually became aware that the book's page count was shrinking. Soon I noticed that this phenomenon had become truly dramatic (I was writing action on page 50 that occurred on page 100 in the original draft). Not until I compiled each chapter into the new MS did I learn just how effective my streamlining had been.

• Original Souldancer MS (second revision): 300,000 words, 1135 pages.
• Current Souldancer MS: 88,000 words, 370 pages.

What amazes me is that, besides a few tangents and extraneous subplots, I cut very few scenes from the original version. The current MS covers the same principal action in almost exactly one-third of the space. Even better, I don't think the narrative feels rushed; just faster paced.

I'll let you know what the beta readers say.

Share My Joy

I just finished the latest full Souldancer draft.

This manuscript, which I consider the beta for version 2.2, is at present the most refined form of a story I've been working hard to tell for twelve years. It is my greatest achievement to date, not because it's objectively the best writing I've produced (I leave that judgment to my readers), but because enshrining this tale in written form has always been a labor of love.

My undying thanks to all the friends who've helped me realize and share this story. I eagerly await the beta readers' verdict. If you'd like to join them, I'm considering applicants via email and the comment box.

Multiple Updates

A series of developments occurred over the weekend.

The Nethereal partial manuscript submission I sent to Tor back in December resulted in a form rejection.

The agent I'd queried most recently replied today with identical results. I'll be sending out another query to a new agent tomorrow.

It's startling to look back at that December update and see that I was only on chapter ten of the latest Souldancer revision. I'm now on chapter 46 and expect to finish the latest draft of the book this week.

End transmission.

SD v. 2.2b

The latest draft of Souldancer is nearing fruition. I'm averaging a chapter a day, so at that rate I expect to finish in two or three weeks.

Since I'll have just finished redrafting, the book will need inspection by objective eyes. If you would like to be a beta reader for this project, please volunteer in the comments section below or by sending me an email expressing your interest. I know there are already a couple of people I can count on, but in this case more is more.

Thanks to everyone who's supported me in this enterprise.

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

An agent I queried asked for the first five pages of the Nethereal manuscript last week. The pages were rejected in a frank and highly professional manner. The gesture is highly appreciated.

I went into Heinlein phase five bracing myself to face criticism. I conditioned myself as best I could to take negative comments with an open mind, revise the book if they made sense and ignore them if they didn't. Funny thing: There really hasn't been any criticism to speak of. The most common replies I've gotten have been: A) nothing and B) form letters. The two or three personalized responses all amount to, "Your premise and execution are fine, but it's not what we're looking for."

The dearth of feedback is something I didn't anticipate. I have plans in place to deal with, "Your work is bad, and here's why." Instead I'm left grappling with, "Your project is OK. For someone else. But I don't know who it is."

On further reflection, I believe I'm facing the following difficulties:

It's impossible to sell a manuscript unless the buyer reads the whole thing. Not only can't you judge a book by its cover; you really can't judge it till you've read the last paragraph. Readers may have that luxury, but not people whose jobs depend on acquiring new titles. And yet...

Agents and editors don't have enough time to read every manuscript submitted to them. It's a fact of the busy world we live in: more so for literary agents and acquisitions editors, who receive thousands of submissions a year. These conditions force them into the paradox of judging something piecemeal that can only be fairly evaluated within the context of the whole.

Faced with this Joseph Heller reference, most professional writers advise researching agents and editors' tastes before querying them. A common strategy is to look up agents' recent deals to find out what kind of books they represent. Mining the acknowledgements pages of novels in the same style and genre as yours is often recommended as a good way to find like-minded agents and editors.

I've been following that advice for years, but...

I haven't found anything close enough to my work to identify an agent/editor with similar sensibilities. From one perspective, the fact that I can't find other books like mine is good. Agents and editors often say that they're looking for fresh material. On the other hand, it's bad because people usually stick to what's worked before and don't go too far beyond their established tastes. I know I do that. There are sound logical reasons for playing to one's strengths.

Frankly, I don't want to work with an agent, editor, or publisher who isn't excited about my book. Agents are salespeople (so are writers), and the best salesmen are genuinely passionate about the product. A project has no better friend than an editor who's willing to champion it to the publisher, and a lukewarm publisher is apt to bury a book at the end of the list (or drop it altogether).

The way I see it, I have two options:

1. the Jim Butcher method: which ain't gonna happen, if only because I have too little charm and too great a fear of jail to crash invitation only industry lunches.

2. the black hole: wherein I keep throwing message-laden bottles into the ocean hoping that just the right alignment of circumstances prompts an agent to request a sample based on my query letter, that the partial reading elicits a request for the full manuscript, that the MS convinces the agent to approach an acquisitions editor on my behalf, and that the editor agrees to take on the project.

I might be a timid eccentric, but I'm a very patient timid eccentric.

Souldancer Excerpt 2

Time for another Souldancer sample. We join Nakvin of Avalon as she contends with a house guest who's rather outstayed his welcome.

            Sulaiman’s eyes went rigid as iron. “One whom Hazeroth of Gheninom fears can only be a terror not seen since the old gods’ day. You heard what game the hunter seeks.”

            It was an effort for Nakvin to speak. “The Souldancer’s host.”
            “Not Thera,” said the priest, “but the wretched souls despoiled to restore hers.”
            “What does he want with them?”
            Sulaiman came closer than he ever had to shrugging. “To fulfill some perverse Working,” he guessed. “Or perhaps to keep company with kindred spirits.”
            Nakvin fought to keep her face from betraying how close that was to the mark.
            “Whatever his reason,” the priest went on, “Shaiel’s gain is our grave loss. You must send me to Mithgar.”
            “I must do nothing,” said the queen. “I came to discuss state business; not to aid private vendettas.”
            “Have you heard nothing I’ve said?” Sulaiman asked. “Shaiel imperils the cosmos of which your fiefdom is only part.”
            Nakvin slammed her fist upon the desk. “Enough!” she said. “Don’t test me, Sulaiman. While you rotted in prison, I was busy learning.”
            The priest’s smile was acid. “Kill me then,” he said, “as I know you wish to.”
            Sulaiman’s abruptness gave the queen no chance to hide her shock.
            “My god has left me,” he continued, “but I need not his gifts to read hearts. You have your sire’s throne. Let’s see you match her malice.”
             “Go,” Nakvin sighed. “Find out what’s happening on Mithgar. Stop it if you can.”
            Sulaiman brushed past her but stopped in the doorway. “Pray any power you like to send me victory.”
            “She never answers,” said the queen.

December Update

Just a bit of necessary blog maintenance:

-Agents queried: 4
-Replies to queries: 2
-Rejected queries: 2
-Form rejections: 2

Also, I've submitted a pitch/synopsis/first 40 pages to Tor. With any luck, my submission packet is in their slush pile as I write this sentence.

This week the agent hunt continues, as does my ongoing revision of Souldancer. As of this writing, I'm on chapter ten.

In closing, here is sage advice from John C. Wright.

Nethereal Final

I'm pleased to say that the final version of my Nethereal manuscript is done. The final draft is far leaner and smoother than the others, weighing in at 541 pages (compare that figure to 720 for the original). That's without deleting any chapters or scenes; just making smarter word choices and using more concise phrasing. The shift to third person variable perspective also helped to weed out excessive description and exposition while adding dialogue.

I don't plan on making any further changes unless a professional editor orders them, so the next step is to start querying agents. I'll keep everyone apprised of how my search goes.

Beta Geminorum Featured at Drunken Zombie

First a quick update: the most recent Nethereal manuscript revision is fast drawing to a close. I've had some slumps in productivity but should be able to make my end of the month goal if I stay disciplined. When the manuscript is done, I plan to start querying agents.

Of more immediate interest, the fine folks over at Drunken Zombie have graciously featured my first short story "Beta Geminorum" in their 31 Days of Halloween short story series. Zombie inebriate in chief Bryan Wolford has assembled an impressive catalog of shocking tales both classic and contemporary, and it's an honor to be included in his list among luminaries like Ambrose Bierce and H.G. Wells.

Also, be sure to check out Bryan's gripping short story "The Incident at Bowling Ball Tree". It's a macabre coming of age tale in the tradition of Stephen King's "The Body" and is well worth your time.

Submission Update

I just heard back from Pyr, who have opted to pass on the Nethereal manuscript. I was hoping for a little feedback, but as mentioned on their submissions page they didn't have time to give details.

Still, the turnaround time of only six weeks for a slush pile submission is pretty impressive. I'd prepared myself to wait for months. Now I can safely shop the book around without fear of simultaneous submissions.

The latest revision has reached chapter 28. It shouldn't be long before the manuscript is ready to be sent out again. I'll keep you posted as always. 

Third Person Variable

I haven't been resting on my laurels since submitting my manuscript. On Nick's advice, I've decided to switch my novel's viewpoint from third person omniscient to variable third person limited.

The first reason I'm overhauling the manuscript's narrative mode is the original version's tendency--pointed out by Nick--to stray toward third person limited. Secondly, the story derives much of its effect from suspense. It's difficult to justify withholding the kind of information that proper tension-building requires when the narrator knows everything.

The experiment is working out well so far. The narrative flow feels much tighter and more streamlined, and describing the observations and thoughts of only one character at a time helps the reader identify with each POV character more strongly.

No Rest for the Wicked

As everyone who's been following this blog knows, I've been slogging through the process of revising Souldancer. In the meantime, additional feedback has been coming in on Nethereal. These comments have been very helpful, and have pointed out to me that there are still plenty of ways for the manuscript to be improved.

Because I want to submit the strongest manuscript possible, I've decided to put SD on the back burner and concentrate on re-editing the first book. The aim is to further streamline the descriptions, trim superfluous expository text, and make the whole narrative more accessible.

I'm setting a daily goal of ten pages. At that rate, the revisions should only take about ten weeks.

Weapon of Choice

Update to the previous post: with the help of a couple friends, my system is now running Windows 7 Professional and MS Office 2010, also professional.

I was told there would be a bit of a learning curve to deal with, and truer words were never said. However, I found myself able to carry out the tasks for which I most often use the PC without much difficulty.

The most noticeable improvement is the banishment of those annoying, irremovable footers that Open and Libre Office automatically inserted into my manuscripts whenever I added a header. On the other hand, the book that I'd pruned down to 1295 pages is now in excess of 1400 due solely to the act of opening it in Word.

Oh well, give and take...

Souldancer Progress Report 3

Total page count: down to 1295.

Currently editing: page 251 (sort of).

I said before how the difficulty of this project has exceeded my expectations. That comment was made back when I was mostly replacing troublesome phrases, trimming down excessively wordy sentences, condensing rambling dialogue, and occasionally deleting a few paragraphs.

Now I've stumbled upon a situation that is wholly unprecedented in my short literary career. What I'm currently up against is a section of the book spanning several chapters in which roughly half of the extant material doesn't work; the other half does, but it's in the wrong order.

To borrow a parable, I'm now undertaking a grueling labor requiring me to meticulously pull weeds scattered amid a wheat field while also transplanting the healthy crops to more advantageous locations. There's also the necessity of sowing new plants to fill in the vacated spaces while reducing the overall acreage. For the first time, I'm starting to wonder whether farmers have it easier than writers. Sure, the former involves more manual labor, but I don't have the luxury of waiting till harvest day to separate the good from the bad. I doubt any editor would appreciate proofreading the resulting incomprehensible manuscript.

I am now more glad than ever that I've probably got several years before this thing is due. Not only will the project take that much time at my current rate of progress, I'll have to grow and mature as a writer in order to meet the challenges this work presents.

At least I won't come up short on blog material.

Souldancer 3.0

Having gotten the manuscript for Nethereal in satisfactory form, I've started work on a new revision of the old version of Souldancer. Reading the second (chronological) book now, I can't believe I ever deemed it ready for print.

I don't know whether it was grad school, the number of books I've read between "finishing" SD v2 and now, or both; but my awareness of flaws in the execution of version two is now glaring. My main issue was having too many descriptive clauses modifying any one object. The book as it stands reads as if I couldn't decide between descriptors and chose to include them all. The result was very cluttered, as you can imagine.

Presently, I'm going back through Souldancer, intent on giving it a total overhaul. The text will be fully streamlined and revised while being brought up to spec with Nethereal. That means shoring up continuity between the two books, harmonizing established nomenclature, and almost certainly cutting a few scenes that no longer fit the narrative.

To those who might object to an abridged version, consider that rendering both manuscripts in double-spaced, twelve point text, Nethereal tops out at a respectable 780 pages, while Souldancer currently bursts its binding at 1340. Simply reining in my exposition should help make the page count more manageable.

In case you're wondering why I'm going to the trouble of revisiting a five year-old manuscript that took me two years to write in the first place, not including original revisions, the answer is that there's nothing else I'd rather do. The reason I started with the second book in the cycle is because I feel very strongly that Souldancer is the heart of the saga; the philosophical and emotional axis around which the whole thing turns.

Don't get me wrong. Nethereal isn't a throwaway piece at all. I wouldn't market a story I didn't believe in. I purposefully wrote the tale to be fully self-contained if needed. However, the fact remains that the first novel's primary job is to rack up the pins so the larger game can commence.

Having gotten the introductory story on paper (rather, on file via word processor) has greatly aided my improvement of Souldancer, providing the firm foundation lacking during my first go-round. Using Nethereal as a reference point, I have no doubt that SD v3 will proceed more naturally; the two texts forming a complementary and fully coherent narrative.

I'm not turning the second book into a clone of the first, either. The scope of Souldancer is still far broader, numerous new characters are introduced, and the stakes are raised compared to the conflict that drove the cast of Nethereal. How can a threat of already universal scale be surpassed?

Rest assured, I've got it covered.