Souldancer Revision Log

It's taken twelve years of intermittent work to write a version of Souldancer conforming to the norms of contemporary novel format. I'd like to share a few insights on the process.

I composed the first draft of the novel ten years ago after a long, collaborative world building project. I figure it took me about two and a half years to finish that draft. Being my first attempt at a novel manuscript, the first version teemed with amateur mistakes. Bloated by redundant exposition on every page, reams of purple prose, and only the faintest hint of a story structure, the original MS weighed in at 300,000 words (1135 typed pages).

I still can't believe I found stalwart souls willing to beta read that monster, but I did; and I'm forever grateful for their efforts.

I attempted sporadic revisions from 2005 until 2010, when Nick inspired me to get serious about writing. Looking at what I'd written confronted me with another rookie mistake: I'd started backwards. Or rather in the middle. My extensive world building had yielded four books' worth of notes, and Souldancer actually comes second in the planned continuity.

I resolved to start over and began work on Nethereal, the first volume in the cycle. Two years and three revisions later, I'd refined the story into a satisfactory form. Building on this foundation I revisited the Souldancer project. The futility of a line edit soon became clear, and I decided to redraft the MS.

Starting from scratch gave me the chance to correct structural flaws and clean up the prose. My chief working principles were (in no particular order):

• Narrative flow and economy.
• Logical story structure informed by theme.
• Believable, organic character development and motivation.
• Maintaining conflict, tension, and tight pacing.

Again drafting one chapter at a time, I gradually became aware that the book's page count was shrinking. Soon I noticed that this phenomenon had become truly dramatic (I was writing action on page 50 that occurred on page 100 in the original draft). Not until I compiled each chapter into the new MS did I learn just how effective my streamlining had been.

• Original Souldancer MS (second revision): 300,000 words, 1135 pages.
• Current Souldancer MS: 88,000 words, 370 pages.

What amazes me is that, besides a few tangents and extraneous subplots, I cut very few scenes from the original version. The current MS covers the same principal action in almost exactly one-third of the space. Even better, I don't think the narrative feels rushed; just faster paced.

I'll let you know what the beta readers say.

Kairos

The following was originally written as a prologue to Souldancer. I cut it upon deciding to start the book with the main action.

Almeth Elocine staggers across the narrow span.  Though Kairos knows neither “was” nor “will be”, the newcomer’s footsteps echo with regret and herald woes to come.

The bridge traverses every epoch of history, an alabaster beam suspended over a canyon of whirring cogs. Oblivious to the abyss yawning below, Almeth walks on—harried by defeat. Kairos is time as the gods know it, and the traveler’s memory of certain victory turned to rout seems only moments old.

The ubiquitous machinery turns in a continual dance of shifting fractal patterns, and Almeth hears again the guardians’ voices. They hail him as Faerda made flesh; the last god. He suffers these titles; comes to embrace them and finally to believe.

Ahead, the towers of spinning gears part to reveal the terminus. It is the last place that Almeth wishes to be, yet he recognizes the heart of Kairos as the natural end of his pride. All other paths are shut to him. Now he sees the platform clearly. A tall stocky figure stands at the head of the bridge, waiting.

“Elocine! It’s not too late to turn back!”

If Almeth is surprised by the man’s presence, he gives no sign. Unhindered he answers, “the Guild rules the spheres now, Cleolin. Where would you have me turn back to?”

Cleolin’s brow is stern, but the hardness doesn’t reach his eyes. “I would ask you the same, Blackbow. Even a mortal such as I know that one may reach any place or time from Kairos.”

Almeth sees the syndex’s muscles tense at his approach—a message clear as bared steel. “Everything’s gone wrong.” Elocine’s voice hardly exceeds a whisper. “I’m the last. Only I can mend it.”

 The syndex of Midras frowns—the mere sight of which oft sets foes to flight. Cleolin Redbeard beholds his former captain’s ashen face; sees the cold sweat that’s turned his hair into a mat of black lambswool. The priest knows that he is witnessing a marvel without precedent: Almeth Elocine is afraid. “Turn aside, Almeth!” the syndex warns. “Whatever your intent, to rewrite fate’s decrees is folly, even for a god!”

Though faltering, Almeth’s pace doesn’t slow. “The resistance is lost,” he says without inflection. “Should I leave my people in thrall to an upstart fiend?”

“The remnant of Annon chose their lot. The guardians may yet survive in Strata untouched by the Brotherhood.”

The human priest and the godly Gen stand face to face below the broad stair. Cleolin’s visage is grim; Elocine smiles wanly without mirth.

“You speak without forethought,” Almeth laments, “as is your race’s wont. Wheresoever I lead my broken following, the Void shall overtake us as it has the Middle Stratum.”

“The Guild has conquered the spheres; not the Void.”

“One is merely the consequence of the other,” Almeth says, pressing forward. His advance is halted as a smooth motion of the priest’s hand sends an icy jolt through Elocine’s torso. He recovers from the shock in time to see Cleolin withdraw his red-tipped blade.

“Forgive me this sacrilege,” the syndex says as Almeth collapses against him. The priest’s stout arms are all that keeps Elocine from folding to the floor.

Urgency beyond all concern for himself drives the Gen back onto his feet. He looks upon the syndex’s startled face a final time; then exerts his will. Kairos itself propels Cleolin backward so rapidly that his imposing stature instantly diminishes to a tiny distant mote. His scream reaches Almeth seconds after he vanishes beyond the terminus.

Clutching his wound, Elocine staggers to the edge of Kairos. Cleolin was the last tie binding him to life in this cosmos. Its severance empties him of all feeling, and he sits down to wait.

Thrice-Told Tale

Since I've been focused on revising my work, I thought it would be helpful to compare multiple drafts of the same project to chart my progress. The results proved both edifying and embarrassing.

Here's an example: the same paragraph from Nethereal chapter 3 as it appears in the first, second, and third drafts.

First Draft:
The Enforcers conducted their search in shifts; none of them being able to tolerate prolonged exposure to the conditions inside—this despite the fact that the door had been off its hinges since early that afternoon. According to the householders, the temperature had not risen at all. Fortunately, they weren't made to investigate for long. Redrin Culvert's personal effects, including his identification, two changes of clothing, and a type of Worked pistol called a zephyr, were quickly discovered and noted. Of the man himself, there was no sign. A guilt-driven flight out of town was submitted in explanation, although the room was windowless, and the lock had been jammed from the inside—melted, in fact, by some unknown corrosive agent.

Second Draft:
Despite the fact that the door had been off its hinges since the early afternoon, conditions within had still been barely tolerable. Fortunately, the search hadn’t taken long. The Enforcers had quickly turned up Redrin Culvert's personal effects, including his identification and a zephyr model Worked pistol. Of the owner’s whereabouts, they’d found no sign. A guilt-driven flight out of town was submitted in explanation, though the room was windowless, and the lock had been jammed from the inside: melted, in fact, by some unknown corrosive agent.

Third Draft:
The vicious freeze had haunted the room for hours. Luckily, the search hadn’t taken long. The Enforcers had quickly turned up Redrin Culvert's personal effects, including his identification and a Worked zephyr pistol. There was no sign of the owner’s whereabouts. A midnight flight from justice was suspected, but the room was windowless; and the lock hadn’t simply been jammed from the inside. It had been melted by some unknown corrosive agent.

Don't know about you, but the third version is the only one I can read without flinching.

Souldancer Rewrite Update

For those who are just joining us, I recently finished the final manuscript for my sci fi-fantasy novel Nethereal. That book's completion followed a rather crooked path since I'd already written its sequel, entitled Souldancer, almost ten years before.

Now that the first (in narrative terms) book is done I'm taking another shot at the second. It needs a lot of work to say the least. Weighing in at a staggering 300,000 words, Souldancer begged for pruning. There are also many plot, character, and world-building elements in need of continuity patches.

I quickly decided that a cover-to-cover line edit was not in order. Instead I've started rewriting the story from scratch. I only refer back to the prior text for general plot structure and place/character/object names. Along the way I've been able to combine several scenes and delete some subplots and characters altogether.

Right now I'm on chapter twenty-one of the new draft. To give you a sense of perspective, the action occurring in the new chapter twenty-one takes place at about the same time as the events of last version's chapter twenty-five. The chapters are now shorter, so I'm currently at a point near page 200 where the last draft had taken 400 pages to present the same information.

That's the gist of it. I'll be around to field whatever questions any of you have about the new draft.

The Composition of a Composition

When I first got serious about writing, I knew that producing a novel-length manuscript would take a lot of discipline. My initial approach was to transcribe the story exactly as it existed in my head. I didn't stop to ask if this was the best approach.

Since then I've learned that there's more to drafting a manuscript than single-minded pounding at a keyboard. Trial and error taught me what I could have learned from more experienced writers if I'd thought to ask. The following list of composition methods should save you some time.

Write in Drafts. Like I mentioned before, composing and editing are two different processes. My rookie mistake was trying to perform both operations at the same time. The result really slowed my progress.

Instead of editing as you go, write one whole draft at a time. Then go back and revise. The idea is to find a writing groove that will maximize your creativity. Don't get bogged down worrying about mistakes. You can fix them later.

Add chapter breaks later. A corollary to writing in drafts is to avoid breaking the first draft up into chapters while writing. If you wait till the revision phase, you'll already know where the natural pauses and cliffhangers are. Insert chapter breaks accordingly.

Or compose in chapters. I know some writers who draft in chapters and save each one as a separate file. This is the method I use because it makes revisions easier (I don't have to search through a whole 500 page manuscript to find a typo that one of my readers pointed out). Instead I can just open the ten page document containing that chapter. Then I copy and paste each chapter into the final manuscript doc.

I'm always looking for ways to improve my writing. What are some of your favorite writing tips?

Defeating Writer's Block: Part 2

I've met many obstacles since I started writing daily over two years ago. Writer's block isn't a single affliction. It's a group of mental obstructions that can delay or derail the creative process.

Writer's block has as many cures as forms. Charlie Jane Anders gives some practical advice for dealing with each head of this hydra. I'll synthesize these suggestions with advice from other writers and my own experience.

1. Lack/Glut of Ideas: I'm distilling Anders' first two types of writer's block into one point since they both deal with ideas. Whether you have no ideas (a rare problem, as discussed previously) or can't decide between myriad ideas, coming up with the right story premise is best handled by writing.

Sound backwards? Priming your creative juices with a little freestyle, stream of consciousness, or observational composition can unearth buried gems.

2. Narrative Flow Problems: once again I find it's useful to combine issues dealing with a story's narrative thread. If you get stuck at any point after starting a project, first make sure you're not being hypercritical. Get someone else to read the story thus far. If your alpha reader can't make sense of things, proceed to phase two: rewrite from the departure point.

3. Character Issues: if you find your characters difficult to write, chances are you haven't motivated them properly. "Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water." The soul of a story is the interplay between what the characters want, the obstacles in their way, and how they overcome those obstacles.

Know your characters' motives. Then make sure their actions are consistent with those motives.

4. Stage Fright: if fretting over what people will think is stopping you from telling your story, I have bad news for you. No matter what you write, someone is going to hate it. Writing professionally isn't about pleasing everyone. It's about producing to a certain standard.

To paraphrase Neil Gaiman, if you aren't afraid that you've shared too much of yourself, you're doing it wrong.

The author is the person least qualified to judge what others will think. Get a few alpha readers to peruse the first draft. Listen to their feedback. Then draft a second version and give it to your beta readers. Repeat.

5. Editing Hang-ups: some writers love free composition and hate editing. Others agonize over their first drafts but take to revisions like sharks to chum. The reason for this dichotomy is that writing and editing are two separate processes.

Revising a manuscript can be like pulling teeth to more right-brained types. That's how I felt until I realized the intoxicating power of deleting superfluous text. Liberate yourself from useless lines, paragraphs, and pages.

The editing dilemma that most afflicts me these days is verbal perfectionism. Nothing interrupts my writing flow like grasping for exactly the right word to describe the scene in my head. The most useful advice I've gotten on this front came from Nick Enlowe. Use a placeholder word, move on, and fix it in the next draft.

I hope you've found this series on writer's block enriching and entertaining. What are some of your own creative obstacles, and how have you handled them?

Nethereal Final

I'm pleased to say that the final version of my Nethereal manuscript is done. The final draft is far leaner and smoother than the others, weighing in at 541 pages (compare that figure to 720 for the original). That's without deleting any chapters or scenes; just making smarter word choices and using more concise phrasing. The shift to third person variable perspective also helped to weed out excessive description and exposition while adding dialogue.

I don't plan on making any further changes unless a professional editor orders them, so the next step is to start querying agents. I'll keep everyone apprised of how my search goes.

Third Person Variable

I haven't been resting on my laurels since submitting my manuscript. On Nick's advice, I've decided to switch my novel's viewpoint from third person omniscient to variable third person limited.

The first reason I'm overhauling the manuscript's narrative mode is the original version's tendency--pointed out by Nick--to stray toward third person limited. Secondly, the story derives much of its effect from suspense. It's difficult to justify withholding the kind of information that proper tension-building requires when the narrator knows everything.

The experiment is working out well so far. The narrative flow feels much tighter and more streamlined, and describing the observations and thoughts of only one character at a time helps the reader identify with each POV character more strongly.

First Novel Submission

After 18 months and three full revisions, I decided that it was finally time to market Nethereal. Following careful research, I chose to send my first submission to Pyr. They're a subsidiary of Prometheus Books who've got a pretty robust presence in the industry. Most importantly, many of the titles in their catalog come close to the tone and genre of my book. Even better, they accept unagented electronic submissions of the whole manuscript--not just a query or a sample.

We'll see what happens in the coming months. I can tell you that my search for an agent will continue in earnest.

Having submitted my manuscript is no excuse to slack off, which is why I'm glad that Nick Enlowe has agreed to work with me on polishing the narrative structure and general presentation of the book. As stated above, the text has been through several revisions; but the results have been clearer, tighter, and just plain better every time.

I keep putting myself through the wringer because I believe in this story. It took some convincing, especially after the somewhat ambiguous initial feedback. But the test readers (to whom I am deeply grateful) all report that basic plot and theme is solid. I can work with that, if nothing else, and I've got a feeling that my esteemed colleague's help will draw out a great deal more.

Nethereal Third Draft

I finally finished the third draft of my novel yesterday. I ended up trimming the final page count by about a hundred pages, just from tightening up dialogue and reducing unnecessary exposition. It should now be far easier for a reader to forget about the book and get lost in the story.

Finishing this project doesn't mean I'm done. Not remotely. Next on the agenda is revising and resubmitting my first short story. I'll let you know how it goes.

Five Rings NPI

I've joined the Novel Push Initiative over at Nick's Five Rings web site. I'm in some august company there, and when asked how many words per diem I'd pledge, my answer of 1300 seemed reasonable. After all, it's roughly how much I've been editing every day. I'll admit to being made slightly anxious by the fact that many writers far better and more experienced than myself have pledged 250 words. It's possible they know something I don't.

Anyway, I'm not revoking my pledge--simply because that's how much ground I need to cover every day to get the novel revised on schedule. I'll be posting my progress on Facebook.

Good luck to all participants.

No Rest for the Wicked

As everyone who's been following this blog knows, I've been slogging through the process of revising Souldancer. In the meantime, additional feedback has been coming in on Nethereal. These comments have been very helpful, and have pointed out to me that there are still plenty of ways for the manuscript to be improved.

Because I want to submit the strongest manuscript possible, I've decided to put SD on the back burner and concentrate on re-editing the first book. The aim is to further streamline the descriptions, trim superfluous expository text, and make the whole narrative more accessible.

I'm setting a daily goal of ten pages. At that rate, the revisions should only take about ten weeks.

Souldancer Progress Report 2

Last week I'd reached page 196 in my revisions, at which point I hit a roadblock. After days of deliberation, I finally decided to cut the entire original scene and rewrite those pages from scratch. These rewrites took me back to the beginning of chapter 11.

Today I worked back up to page 196. I'm pretty satisfied with the changes. A couple of plot holes and deus ex machina scenes have been corrected, and the new material provides a smoother transition to later developments.